The Art of Holding Back || LOH #284

I won’t lie, I’m not someone who takes derogatory remarks lightly.

I wish I were one of those people who could laugh things off, brush it aside, and carry on like it didn’t matter. But I’m not. Words sit with me and they hover in my head, echoing longer than I would like to admit.

So if I were at a party and I heard someone saying negative things about me, my first reaction wouldn’t be calm or detached, it would be a mix of hurt and disbelief. Because there’s something deeply uncomfortable about realizing that you are the topic of conversation in a space where you’re supposed to feel a little at ease.

But I’ve learned something about moments like that and it’s that not every reaction deserves to be dramatic. If I’m in the right headspace, I would choose composure. I wouldn’t create a scene or give them the satisfaction of seeing me unravel. Instead, I would just observe and take note of not just of the words, but of the intention behind them. Then, I suppose, I would make a decision.

Actually, some people are not worth the energy of confrontation and some conversations are not worth entering. In those cases, my silence would not be as a result of some sort of weakness but it would be me choosing distance and giving them a withdrawal of access. Because once I see that side of someone, I don’t unsee it.

But if it crosses a certain line, I mean if it feels intentional, excessively malicious, or disrespectful in a way that cannot be ignored, I would address it directly, and without lowering myself. I would make it clear that I heard them and that I will not be disrespected. Because there’s a difference between being unbothered and being unheard. And I refuse to be the latter.

At the end of the day, how I respond would depend on the situation and my mood but one thing remains constant and that is the fact that I will protect my peace, but I will also protect my dignity. Sometimes, that means walking away, other times, it means standing still and letting someone know, firmly, that I am not the person to speak about carelessly.

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