BEING A BURDEN

The major reason I hate to ask for help is that I tend to feel like a burden which is a feeling I really hate. The thought alone makes me want to run away from the world. This is because I know how hard life can be, I know how much it can take to toll on a person and for that reason I try as much as possible to ensure that I do not put extra pressure on people who are just trying their best to live through the challenges of life. Many people tend to think that just because a person dresses well and smells good then they have it all. It's funny how a lot of these people try to find the person with the most fitted clothes and with the most expensive shoes to ask for financial help because they pressure the person to lack nothing and they are having one of the most serious problems anybody could have ever imagined.

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I am not saying this to spite those in need, after all I am also in need and a lot of the time I find myself lacking. These are the kind of people who do comparison the most, they compare themselves with those whose history they do not know and conclude that their situation is the worst. They end up putting their burdens on people and tag those who for one reason or the other can not carry their burdens as wicked which makes me wonder who is really the wicked person. This is not me saying asking for help is bad, this is me pointing out that one thing I hate is when the person asking for help feels whoever they are asking from is obligated to render that help. If there is one thing I give more than I receive, and if I ask for help, it's because I have exhausted every possible option and are standing on my last leg (That's if it isn't crumbling down).

I remember how my friends found out about my suicide attempt last year, if they had not figured it out, I would have probably been dead because I would not have asked for help no matter the cost. I can be like that especially when I feel like a burden. I am the type that carries people even in my burdens and although I have often been advised to do otherwise, I can't help it sometimes. I might even feel the person in need of help is lying and still decide to help them still because I believe that they even deserve the help more even though they are greedy. There are few times I would do otherwise, but then at the end of the day I go back to default and start helping all over again. But when it comes to asking for it, I just freeze and forget I have friends who would help. My friends have tried to preach about speaking out before things go bad, I am just starting to get the memo now.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 213 EPISODE 1