The Plans I Make and the Life That Ignores Them

There is this popular saying that no matter how we plan, life will always have another plan for us. And another saying from the religious aspect also says that God is the author and the finisher of our fate; he leaves us to plan, but he already knows what is best for us. Well, I can't dispute that in a way that I have seen. However, in the past, naïve me usually thought that if I planned everything, it would always come out as planned, not knowing that life will always have its own plan. To be honest, that was an idea that sat well in my head back then. Gain admission this year, graduate this year. Do this and that this year,, but life doesn't really respect those plans I made then.

Fast forward to last year, and I sat down to plan out some things I will do at the beginning of this year every day of the month. I even included when to call someone, when to visit a friend, and some other small things. It all looked very perfect when I drafted everything out, and I was feeling in control. Not even halfway into this year, some things came up, which led to another, and gradually I started skipping some of the plans I mapped out. Though I am still doing some, the rest felt like I betrayed them.

After the first distraction. I started going with a default plan without really following up with the initial plans I had. And I was telling myself that I would have everything figured out because I was just figuring things out as they came. I won't lie again; that looks like something so soothing and refreshing because there was no iota of disappointment, and everything looks perfect with zero pressure.

And again, that came with its own side effects as I began to drift too. Because there were some days that I did not meet up to my expectations in a way that I was even unable to do half of what I used to do. Everything seems blurry, like I was doing things with no directions, no clear purpose, even though I was doing something. And that was when the change hit me, and it was clear that I didn't belong to any of the sides I mentioned above.

When I plan my things well, I usually see a sense of purpose and direction with that. But when I decide to hold onto it, I usually feel a drift. When I began being spontaneous, that helped me to adapt. And at the same time, when I try to hold onto it too much, it scatters again and looks unsure. But since I have noticed that, I have now discovered what works for me in the form of a middle ground, which I am still learning anyway.

Now I leave space for things to change even though I still plan and write things down. And when life comes at me again, I don't usually fight it because I adjust rather than fighting myself or forcing things to go as I want them to because life will always happen, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Since I have gotten to know that everything won't be as perfect as I want it to be because some days will drift from the track I set. Which is why I have shaped myself and my mind in a way to always learn how to move even when what I write down, or map out didn't go as planned.

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