Do You Think Our Forgotten Dreams Were All in Vain?

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Last month, I went to my sister’s high school graduation. With that, came the opportunity for me to revisit the place in which I also had my share of three years growing up. Five years is a long time, and many things have happened to me after I graduated high school, but going back to the place itself is a different experience. It was like I am going through this place through the lens of my seventeen year old self as a twenty-two year old.

I sometimes think it is crazy how much my seventeen year old self has a pull and effect on me. I am older! And yet, she had more spark, hope, and dreams. Going through the outside garden of my high school building automatically reminded me of how I used to carry so many hopes and dreams inside of me.

In my twenty-two year old body, it is as if I was this seventeen year old girl again. With no idea what the future will bring, she had this belief of everything working out. So many paths laid down in front of her that she can choose from! A variety of outcomes and blessings! A multitude of hopeful feelings that she will become anything she dream of.

For a split second, I was her again. The woman walking in that garden is no longer me, but her. Even after everything that has unfolded in the past five years, I could experience that same feeling my younger self experienced for a short moment.

I think of myself and my past dreams. How they no longer seem to hold any sort of meaning now that I have grown older. I think of myself and my forgotten dreams. How easily they can be forgotten, but how precious and hopeful they were for my seventeen year old self.

Then I think of my friends, whom I have shared these dreams with. I think of my friends who used to tell me all about their goals, hopes, and dreams for the future. I think of us as naive high school students who of course did not know how things will become in the future.

But that’s just part of growing up! We learn that not everything can go as we hoped and planned. We were forced to understand that the world will not bend to our will just because we have a dream.

But it made me truly sad. If this is it growing up, were our dreams that we had and shared back then all in vain? Do you think it was all for nothing? After all, all things, eventually, do come to an end.

I pondered with this question in mind alongside this tugging pain in my heart I tried to ignore. I came to an imperfect conclusion that reinforces once again the idea of how futile we all are as human beings.

We are all subject to change, even our dreams and ideals. I think back to my seventeen year old self, and I remembered how these goals that she had back then were the driving force for her to go forward. I think of my friends and the lives they are living right now, and although we might not exactly be living the kind of life we envisioned when we were in high school, those visions were what gave us resolve to go forward.

With that, I think of my naive younger self and her unrealistic dreams. Back then, they were realistic to her, and they seemed attainable, so I owe it to her to dream a little more like her even as I get older. So no matter what life throws at me, I can still have this resolve inside of me to keep moving forward.

Now that I think about it, it seems quite ironic that I am learning and growing more from the me five years ago. Her dreams are not futile, for after all they still give me hope five years later, to the me in the present.